Day 1 - Spend more time with your family,
especially the children, just out from school. (you’ll probably want to stop
and get a wine cooler to have with dinner)
Day 2 - Start that home improvement project you’ve been wanting to tackle, but watch those wires, and have a plumber’s phone # handy just in case (might need to stop and get a 6-pack on your way home from your third trip to Home Depot)
Day 3 - Plant that vegetable garden you have always thought of having. Fresh veggies and salads all summer, yum. Don’t forget the fertilizer, the miracle grow so your tomatoes are as big as the one’s on t.v., weed control, a small wire fence to keep the varmints out, and a garden hose and sprinkler. (pick up some Chardonnay on your way home from the farm stand---what were you thinking…..?)
Day 4 - There’s no time like summer to work out and lose those extra pounds. Get in shape with a nice 5 mile run, a brisk 100 lap swim, or a round of tennis. (I bet a Margarita would taste great tonight while you are on the couch with your ice pack, your heating pad, Ben Gay, and muscle relaxants, maybe you should pick up some Tequila on your way home from CVS because you know you don’t have any of these items in the house since you haven’t exercised since college)
Day 5 - Get in touch with some old friends that you haven’t seen in a long time, meet them for a drink at happy hour. (Get some Vodka on the way home, you probably forgot you hated all those idiots and that’s WHY you haven’t seen them in a long time, might as well keep drinking, maybe you’ll forget they stuck you with the tab)
Day 6 - Catch up on your summer reading, nothing like a great book, or magazine while getting some sunshine. You are going to need Sunscreen, insect repellant, an umbrella, a cooler, plastic cups, a lounge chair, table, some towels, and a snack. (Wouldn’t a pina colada taste great while you are sitting outside, basking in the sun….. On your way home from Walmart, you better get some Rum, pineapple juice and coconut.)
Day 7 - How about getting that puppy the kids want? Take a trip to the Humane Society, pick up an adorable little ball of fur, what a great addition to the family—Don’t forget to stop at PetCo and get some puppy chow, bowls, and a leash---this is going to be great!!! Why don’t you have a little celebration with some champagne for getting the cutest dog in the world! Some Walmarts are open 24 hours, you will need to know this when you can’t stand hearing the puppy cries anymore, and you need a clock to put in the puppy’s bed (which you also forgot to buy) and some piddle pads, jeez they go every half hour…., some fluffy toys so he doesn’t chew another pillow up, and rug shampooer----if there is any Rum left, you’ll probably want to do a few shots when you get home.
Day 8 - How about going to the mall with your family? It’s nice and air conditioned, and I bet your kids need a few things. Make sure you stop at the Apple Store and The Disney store, the kids like those. You can go to Sharper Image and sit in a massage chair, how about a nice meal with the children at the Rain Forest Café? You can hear all the animals roar and squeal, Maybe you can sit and watch as your spouse tries on some new outfits. You are really going to get some points with the family, better bring your charge cards…… How about a little Yagermeister when you get home, the kids are having a slumber party with their friends and they want the room with the tv, so you should go hang out with the puppy.
Day 9 -You are doing great, just a few more days to go, have you visited the in-laws lately? No time like the present, pack up the car and make it a day trip. Better bring a cooler and let someone else drive…..
Days 10-14 - Put the kids in summer camp, enough family time already, you might want to think about a second job, you’ve been spending a lot of money and you are going to want to have some to spend because:
HOFFMAN’S WILL RE-OPEN ON JULY 16TH !!! Now that wasn’t so bad, was it????????
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the Good Guys